I Am The Power

Let there be darkness
Let there be storms
My mind is made up
I am going on

To faraway places
To dreams of mine
To fulfill hearts longing
And of soul divine

I’ll lighten the dark
From my spirit unbreakable
I will weather the storms
With passion inexhaustible

Nothing can stop me
I am unstoppable
No one can stop me
My will is invincible

I am powered by my dreams, my life
I create my destiny and I fulfill mine
I am the promise of my future, my life
I am my wishing tree,
My magical lamp am I.

Let there be darkness
Let there be storms
I am afraid of neither one …

My will is stronger than either one.

- Me

I Am The Power is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
- Og Mandino

If it were in our hands, we might choose to experience positive emotions all the time – stay on the high of motivation, of happiness, of love & of boundless energy. But experiencing negative emotions is as much part of our lives as is experiencing positive ones.

We might choose to let go of these emotions quickly, or we might accept these emotions as how things are right now, we might choose to rebel against them, demanding them to go away, or we might raise the white flag to give up, allowing the domination of negative emotions on us … Whichever way we choose, the fact that we will face these emotions from time to time is inescapable.

It could be that from the numerous times we face these emotions, most of time we are able to deal with them correctly and let go of them . But this too leaves open a few times when we just can’t let go of negative emotions. We realize that these emotions, however unfavorable, are here to stay for some time along with us … just like unwanted guests.

However unwanted these emotions are, since we can’t avoid them, we need to choose the next best thing we can do in times like these – which is to channel them in the right direction so that at least they don’t create more havoc in our lives and something good comes out of them.

Emotions are a powerhouse of energy. You already know this. I don’t need to explain this to you. Just remember times when you did something for the sake of doing and you did something because you were emotionally charged – the difference between both will speak for themselves.

That we use positive energy to create positive outcomes and negative energy to create negative outcomes (or no outcomes) is a no brainer. This is how most of us are wired. And this wiring is exactly what we want to change.

When negative emotions strike, we bring out all our bad habits & destructive thoughts; we invest time in activities which cannot bring us any returns or those which create additional problems for us. This is how we operate. But no more. This has to change.

When negative emotions strike, we stay glued to television getting wasted, we give in to bouts of grief or anger, we hurt those who are close to us, we quit exercising, break our diets and lose on the almost winning battle of health & fitness. But no more. This too has to change.

We don’t need to tolerate THIS in our lives. You don’t need to tolerate this in your life. Is it not enough to experience negative emotions already present that we open doors to more negativity, lethargy and needless destruction? We might allow negative emotions to remain in our lives for sometime (not by choice of course), but we are not going to let them dictate what we do with their presence.

Channel All Energy Into Productive Actions

Ultimately, emotion is energy. And if we train ourselves, we can channel this energy into activities which are productive. I know, this sounds counter-intuitive. After all, negative emotions don’t promote productivity. They deflate any kind of will or motivation we have to work towards positivity. They hypnotize us and put us in some kind of inertia.

And that’s why, we wont pick any activity which is not compatible with the kind of energy you have. Any negative emotion you experience will promote some kind of behavior in you.

Notice that I said behavior and not action. For instance, deep hurt or pain could lead you to a state of obsession or avoidance; anger could lead you to aggression or destruction; de-motivation could lead you to laziness or inaction. Obsession, aggression, inaction are all behaviors and not specific actions.

What we need to do is pick up actions which stay true to these behaviors but result in positive outcomes. In other words, stay true to your negative emotions, not to negative outcomes.

For instance -

For me, getting into a state of obsession used to be about thinking negative thoughts in some kind of loop. It’s as if a cassette is played in an auto-replay mode. It doesn’t matter how many times I let go, the thoughts keep coming back because they never get erased from the tape. There is so much restless negative energy that it does what it does the best – obsess about the negatives in past.

I found my positive replacement in work. I pour all my energy in working on tasks which need full attention. It’s almost as if I transfer my obsession of negativity to obsession of work. I really do get a lot done in times like these.

This works only when I pick up an activity which doesn’t go against negativity. As I said before the action you choose to take has to be in sync with you and your behavior. In state of extreme negativity, I cannot focus on any kind of positive psychology. In literal sense, this means that I am not open to getting coached from others, books on the same subject don’t hold my interest and I can’t write anything related to positive emotions. And hence, any attempt I make to do so is futile.

On the other hand, organizing stuff, programming, studying, reading intense fictional novels are some activities which I have found to be highly compatible with obsessive behavior. I can easily get lost in either of them and get best out of each of them.

The reason why channeling all energy into productive actions is the first step is because with intense emotions, you are building up intense energy within you. Energy which is bubbling to get out, energy which is demanding a release. If you don’t channel this energy into productive actions consciously, chances are high that by default you will channel this energy into negative, unproductive actions.

If by using up all energy through unproductive actions would result in you getting a release from negative emotions, we would still consider this alternative. However, negative emotions encourage negativity. This in turn would result in an inexhaustible production of negative emotions/energy within you. And this is exactly what we don’t want. Hence, it makes more sense to channel emotions into productive behavior.

Tilt The Balance – Strengthen Positivity, Weaken Negativity

As you focus on taking productive action, you will notice for that time period, your focus has shifted from negative to positive. This shift causes a pause in your cycle of negativity. This pause is of great importance because everytime you create a pause in the cycle, you are weakening the power of negative emotions over you. Every pause means that you are spending less time on negative emotions and hence are reducing the amount of time you spend on thoughts/actions which promote negativity.

Your goal while taking productive action is dual – to weaken the cycle of negativity by creating pauses. And to begin and strengthen the cycle of positivity by focusing on thoughts/actions which promote positivity.

While the idea of starting and strengthening the cycle of positivity might sound overwhelming, it really isn’t. Remember, as negativity promotes negativity, positivity promotes positivity as well. Hence, just start by taking small steps towards positivity and keep building momentum. Don’t take a lot of pressure, just throw in a pebble of positive thoughts/actions and ride the wave. (don’t forget the fact that by taking productive action you have already made a substantial investment in building the cycle of positivity).

For instance (continuing the above example) :

For me, focus is my strength. When I focus on one thing, it takes all my attention. If I am reading, I might not even hear you call my name. I might not know if someone had come to the room or not. This strength is what helps me create pauses. For the time that I am deep into my work, it’s as if everything else comes to a stand still. I have found my safe haven where no negativity can enter.

When I accomplish something (in whatever task I have taken up), I feel happy. As I share my happiness with people around me, it increases my happiness. This sharing creates an opportunity for interaction and heartfelt communication. Getting in touch with others helps me feel better. Now my happiness encourages me to seek actions which make me happy. And this sometimes results in playing music, sometimes in meditation, sometimes it’s catching up with a friend/family member … getting the drift? My cycle of positivity has begun. And as I keep adding impetus to it, it will strengthen.

A short & beautiful story explains the concept of weakening cycle of negativity and strengthening the cycle of positivity brilliantly. I have shared this story before but here it goes:

One evening a Cherokee elder told his grandson about the battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between the two ‘wolves’ that live inside us all. One is Unhappiness. It is fear, worry, anger, jealousy, sorrow, self-pity, resentment and inferiority. The other is Happiness. It is joy, love, hope, serenity, kindness, generosity, truth and compassion. ”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The old cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed”.

Deal With Negativity & Release It

When the negative emotions weaken and their power over you has reduced, it is the best time to face them. Intense negative emotions make things overwhelming. They don’t allow us to see things and accept things as they are. They don’t allow us to deal with them effectively. And hence, when you think their hold over you is not as strong as before, face them and deal with whatever comes up.

You might wonder why am I asking you to deal with negativity and face what you don’t want to face. You might wonder what’s the need of doing this since if any negativity comes up you can channel it into productive action, and you now know how to weaken and strengthen the cycles of negativity and positivity. But these actions were just steps taking to you where you have reached now.

Without dealing with the root cause behind all this, there is going to be no end to it. You will tire yourself out trying to do what I have mentioned above repeatedly. No matter what you do, you can’t run away. You have to face and deal with whatever is bothering you. Whether it’s grief or anger or pain or disappointment … whatever it is, face it and take whatever are appropriate steps to deal with it and let go. It is only when you allow yourself to release these emotions that you can consider yourself completely free.

It is only when you have dealt with negative emotions appropriately and released them completely that you can consider yourself having tapped fully into powerhouse of negative emotions.

Tap Into The PowerHouse Of Negative Emotions is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Let go. Why do you cling to pain?
There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday.
It is not yours to judge.
Why hold on to the very thing which keeps you from hope and love?
- Leo Buscaglia

‘This, too, shall pass away’ is a quote I hold dear to my heart. For it has helped me pass through myriads of big and small troubles and tests of life. However, I know and believe that the opposite of this is equally true as well.

‘This will NOT pass away … not on it’s own at least!’

When the place where we are stuck up is within ourselves, when we are in the prison of our mind and heart, this place, this moment, this stuckness will not pass away … not on it’s own at least … not until we do something about it.

When where we are stuck up is within us, we carry it with us life long. The external events may change. What got us stuck in the first place might have come and gone away. But if we don’t allow ourselves to move on and get unstuck, nothing is going to change for us.

What passes away are events that occur in our lives. What passes away is time and everything that time brought along with it … good times, bad times, tough times, easy times, tragic times, ecstatic times …. Times keep changing but when what we want to change is within us, no amount of changes in our external world can make any kind of difference. To bring change within us, we have to will ourselves to change and not leave it to time. Time can heal, only if we allow it to heal. Time can help us move beyond our past, if we allow it to. Time can bring us new adventures, new dreams, new hope and life … only if we allow it to.

There are no set of established steps which can help you to move forward and create a new life; which can help you get ‘unstuck’. Each person has to carve his or her own path. For we all have our own unique moments, thoughts and emotions where we have got stuck. What’s common for all of us is that we have to will it to pass away, we have to will whatever is holding us back to pass away.

Let go ….

A lot of times the reason we get stuck in our past is because something unfair happened. Something that was not supposed to happen happened. And we simply can’t move beyond the injustice, the unfairness of life or people.

You were good, and yet life treated you bad. How do you make peace with that? How do you let go of that? How do you forgive someone who wronged you? And why would you do that when you are right? Life hasn’t corrected itself, neither has the person who wronged you apologized. How can you let go when you were right? Wouldn’t letting go mean condoning what was wrong or even worse, accepting that you were wrong!

How can you let go and why would you let go?

The answer is simple, to be happy. If letting go of whatever happened can help you get unstuck, if letting go can open doors to happiness, why wouldn’t you want to let go! What has being right given you that you want to hold on to being right?

When you get caught up in an event which occured in your past, you need to remember that the event has already passed away. Whether you were righted or wronged, whether it was fair or not, the event has happened. And there is nothing you can do to change that.

What you can do is make a choice to stay with the event or move on. Most of us do understand this. But require something to happen to allow us to move on. We set our own conditions which need to be met so that we can let go of the event and move forward.

Sometimes we wait for the person who wronged us to come and apologize. Sometimes we wait till we understand the ‘why’ behind whatever happened to us. Sometimes we wait till something happens to correct the wrong that happened in our lives. We wait … to be righted. We wait … for life to correct itself.

But what we don’t realize is that nothing wrongs us more than this waiting.
When you wait for some conditions to be met before moving on with your life, you are actually putting your life and happiness on hold for something that may or may not happen. You are giving someone else the power over your happiness.

People get stuck because they want life to be fair. And everytime something unfair happens to them, they wait …. they wait for life to correct itself and prove them right. They wait for life to show it’s fair side. But guess what – life is not always fair. And life doesn’t correct itself in ways we want.

Sometimes things don’t go the way you want them to. You accept that and move forward to build a life you want. You don’t hold back hoping that everything will just sort out.

If there is something you can learn from what happened, then learn. If there is something you can do about what happened, then take action. If there is something positive you can gain from this, then do that. Do everything you can and then let go … move on. Let go of your grief, your anger, your denial … let go of the event. If there is nothing you can gain from it, then too let go.

There is nothing more wrong than holding back your life for the event which has wronged you, for the event which has brought nothing but pain in your life. Your life deserves more. You deserve more. Allow yourself to move away and beyond the event, allow yourself to make peace with what happened, allow yourself to let go.

Allow yourself to let go …

Get Unstuck … Let Go … is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

You Are The Author Of Your Biography – Robin Sharma

‘People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily. – Zig Ziglar’. Top 8 Motivation Hacks will help you to get motivated and stay motivated. A daily dose of either of these will enable you to stay on track with your goals and achieve them.

Motivation Hack #5 : Believe In An Exceptional You

In your journey towards goals and dreams, there are some companions which will visit you from time to time whether you like it or not. And these are fear, failure, de-motivation and rejection. They will work together and alone to take away your will, your power and weaken your belief in you.

The question here is not whether you want them with you or not. The question is what will you do when they arrive? Will you give up and allow them to be victorious over you? Or will you fight them with all your might till you gain victory?

The temptation to give up and let go will be very strong. For it is so easy to do so. Your true test will be to hold on to your dreams at times like these; with strength which comes solely from believing in yourself – Believe that within you is the power, the strength and the faith that can move mountains. Believe that you deserve your dreams, you deserve a life better than you are living.

When everything else fails, it is this belief in self that will keep you going. For no matter where you are in life today, if you believe that you are destined for better, if you believe you can create a life of your dreams, and if you are willing to work towards it, then you are truly unstoppable.

Your true challenge is to not to give in. Whenever fear strikes, tell yourself I am better than this; whenever failure strikes, tell yourself I am better than this; whenever you are rejected or de-motivated, tell yourself I am better than this. And then rise up, above and beyond them.

Related Quote:
Marianne Williamson once said – Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous. Actually, who are you not to be?

Read Other Hacks:
• Motivation:
  #1
  #2
  #3
  #4
  

Believe In An Exceptional You is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. – Robert Fulghum

Life Balance is a topic which needs no introduction. All of us focus on balancing different areas of our life – work, family, personal, social etc. We desire each of these life areas to do well and sometimes we do a lot of juggling to make this possible.

However, wouldn’t it be great if we could remove the craziness, the rushing and struggling and make the entire process of life balance effortless?

How To Balance Life Effortlessly

1. Be Clear Of Your Priorities

Like they say, no one ever wished to have spent more time in office on their death bed. Why then do we keep doing such things (work ourselves to death)? What’s the point of running after and achieving goals which don’t mean anything later on? No matter how good we become at balancing life, we will not be happy if we are moving in the wrong direction.

Being clear of priorities means finding out what is important and in which order. Separate the essentials from the non-essentials. The lesser things you have on your plate, the easier it will be to balance them.

2. Strengthen The Common Base

One way of balancing life is to pick each life area and work on it. The second way to balance is to work on the common base i.e. work on those areas which will directly create a positive impact on all aspects of life. Achieve maximum output while providing minimum input by working on -

• Timeless Principles

  We can only imagine how utterly confusing life would be if we were to lie all the time or keep running away from truth. Where would life balance be, if we are not true to our word. What would the purpose of life balance be if we cannot come from love and be love to our loved ones. We would spend far more time creating troubles and time pressing issues for ourselves rather than make life better.

  By aligning self with timeless principles of truth, love, integrity etc we enable ourselves to take right decisions even if they are difficult and stay true to them. These principles form an unwavering core within us, they give us the stability required to balance ourselves and our lives.

• Mind, Body & Spirit

  Life, family, work, society, friends … if all of these have one obvious thing in common, then that is you. And if you are to manage and balance all of these well, shouldn’t you be balanced and fit as well? A weak mind, body or spirit will not be able to do justice to either life areas.

  By focussing on growing, strengthening and balancing yourself, you enable yourself to give each area deserving work and attention. (This of course is not a reason to become self centered and focus only on self.)

• Time Management

  Usually the topic of balancing life revolves around proper time management which is fair enough since there are only 24 hours in a day. We cannot create more time hence, we rather learn to manage it well.

  Proper time management includes creating a work-life boundary, creating family/personal time, increasing productivity by increased/decreased use of technology, forming better habits – being organised, reducing clutter etc.

3. Stand For Yourself

Whatever effort you put in to balance your life, know your priorities, understand and work on the timeless principles, yourself or your time management is going to be useless if you do not stand for yourself. There are three essential skills which should become second nature to you if you wish to stand for yourself. They are –

• Being Decisive

  Learn to make your own decisions and follow them through. Don’t allow anyone else to make decisions for you. No one understands your priorities, principles and commitments better than you. Taking guidance from your mentors is another matter, but the decision should always be yours. If people are going to take decisions for you, then you will keep trying to balance the outcomes of those decisions. To change the output, work on input.

• Saying No

  Although saying no forms an important part of time management and being decisive, it deserves a special mention because without this skill, you will not be able to channel your life in the direction you want. If you wish to separate the essentials and non-essentials in your life, saying no will be required, if you wish to stay true to your principles, saying no will be required. ‘No’ is “the word” in your vocabulary which you should be most comfortable using.

• Taking Responsibility

  Everything that has happened, is happening and will happen in your life is your responsibility. While external forces do influence our lives in undesired ways, if we give away responsibility, we give away the power to make a difference. Hence, no matter what happens, whether your decisions have gone bad, or someone elses, whether someone else has created havoc in your lives, cheated you or not stayed true to their word, take responsibility and keep the power over your life with you. Without taking the responsibility to constantly work on balancing life no matter what, a balanced life is not possible.

4. Myths About Balancing

Myths usually are trouble makers. They seem true to us and we naturally follow our truth. However, when things don’t go as planned, we fail to identify these as the cause and keep repeating our mistakes. There are three major myths about balancing as well. When people begin thinking about balancing life and start working on it, these three myths create havoc and confusion.

• Balance Means “Equal”

  Balance means equal and hence, balancing life means distributing time equally between all areas of life. This is a myth.

  There will always be a time when one area of our life requires more attention than other. Balancing life means to listen to and be aware of each area and it’s requirements. Balancing life means accessing the wisdom within us and allocate time and attention as required to each area.

• Balancing Formula Is Universal

  Everyone seeks to balance life. If one person has cracked the code and found how to balance life, it is ok to apply the same formula in our lives. Since we all are human beings, the formula to balance life must be universally applicable. This is a myth.

  Even though all of us are humans, we are unique individuals with unique life, priorities and needs. We can get inspired and pick and choose ideas to apply to our lives, we can learn from others success and failures; but we cannot do a copy paste. A blind copy-paste will not work. You can say, to each, his own formula.

• Balance Is All About My Life

  We think that when we learn to manage our time, balance our life, live life based on our priorities, we have succeeded. We need to focus on balancing only our life. This is a myth.

  While predominantly balancing is about your life, an important aspect to balancing life is balancing others lives as well. Since we live in an inter-dependant world, lives tend to be inter-dependant and so does balance. For instance if life of our spouse or sibling is not balanced, sooner or later it will impact our life balance. Moreover, if their life imbalance is because of us, then it becomes our responsibility to make sensible changes in our life so that both lives can be balanced.

5. Random Tips & Ideas

Here are some random tips and ideas on and about balancing life.

• Start small. Don’t plan to transform your entire life one shot. Go slow and steady.
• Pick up what seems easy enough to implement first. See positive results, gain confidence and then dive into the difficult ones.
• Have patience. It takes time to put everything back in balance.
• Stay aware of your life, stay alert so that you can bring balance back as soon as imbalance creeps in.
• Be present. A lot of imbalance in life is created because we are not truly present in the moment.
• Stay physically, emotionally and mentally in the same place.
• Balance the shoulds and wants in your life. Shoulds are those things which you have to do, which is expected of you and wants are those which you want to do.
• Make mistakes. But don’t keep making the same ones again and again.
• Balance is not about ‘either/or’. Balance is about ‘and’. Be creative to find solutions to your problem. Sometimes, you can have the cake and eat it too.
• Balance is about holding on and letting go. Key is in figuring out what to hold onto and what to let go.
• Balancing life is an ongoing process. It never ends.
• Enjoy the process. If you are not enjoying, then you are probably doing something wrong. Remember, the idea is to balance ‘effortlessly’.

Stacey @ CreateABalance has initiated a Life Balance Group Writing Project. This article is my submission to the same. To read more submissions by other bloggers, follow the link.

How To Balance Life Effortlessly is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

One-half the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough. – Henry Wheeler Shaw

The art of saying no is a difficult but an essential skill to have if we want any kind of sanity in life. When I set out to develop this skill, I decided to simply start saying no whenever the opportunity arises. And well … most of times, I said no in my head and yes verbally or I said no and felt way too guilty for it. I felt bad saying no and denying a request. After all, that’s not what good people do.

Getting Your Context Straight

This is when the realization struck that the difficulty or ease of saying no is actually dependent upon the meaning I attach to ‘saying-no’ or the context from which I say no. That is, when I say no, what does it say about me, what does it mean? The answer to this question determines whether I feel good about saying no or bad about it.

• Saying No Is An Option
  One of the biggest breakthrough was realising this simple fact that saying no is an option as well. Whenever people come up with any kind of request, I am free to say yes to it and free to say no to it. Choice basically means that – freedom to say yes or no to something. If I didn’t have the option of saying no, then basically I don’t have a choice. But if I have a choice, then it means that ‘no’ is a good and acceptable answer as well. I am not doing anything wrong by saying no – just exercising my right to choose.
• Being A Person Of Integrity
  Being a person of integrity means that I always do what I said I would, by the time I said I would. It is very important for me to be a person who when commits to something will get it done. I take pride in the fact that people see me as a person who takes time to commit, but when commits, will not let down.

  To be a person of integrity means saying no sometimes. Saying no simply means that I want to stay true to my commitments, to things I have already said a yes to.

• Staying True To Priorities
  One major reason for lack of clarity and confusion in life is that we don’t know what’s important to us. Our priorities guide us, they show us path to follow and play a major role in any kind of decision we make – including the decision to saying yes/no to something.

  To make it simpler, if you are clear from first about what will you say yes to and what will you say no to, wouldn’t then taking decision become easier?

  Being clear about your priorities means saying no to things which are not on your priority list – which basically means saying yes only to things which are on your priority list.

• Every Yes Is A No & Every No Is A Yes
  We might not like saying no to someone, but the truth is, whenever we say yes to one thing, we are saying no to something else as well. We have limited time and energy and unlimited choices. So obviously, we cannot say yes to everything. It’s just a matter of time when we max out and then have no choice but to say no.

  For instance, if by staying true to my priorities, I am saying no to someone, in the same no, I am also saying yes to my priorities. On the other hand, if I say yes to requests which are not aligned with my priorities, it also means that I am saying no to my priorities.

• Find Your Empowering Context
  The ones mentioned above are simply some places from where I come, those are contexts from where I decide and say yes/no to someone/something. These contexts empower me and they make saying no easy because saying no seems like a very sensible to do then (it actually feels more like saying yes to what I have already commited). Create an empowering context for yourself and then simply run your options through it. Say yes only to those which fit in.

Learning To Say No

Once you start allowing yourself to say no and feel comfortable with ‘no’ as your decision, the next area to work upon is how to say no. We wish to say no without offending others, but still be firm on our decision. How to say no in a manner that people accept it and do not take any kind of offense? Some tips to keep in mind -

• Keep your no as short as possible.
• It’s all right if other person doesn’t understand/agree with your decision or priorities. You both have different motivations.
• Avoid using fake excuses / lies. It’s difficult to keep stories straight. Moreover, sometimes people give solutions to the problems you mention and then you are stuck up with no way to say no.
• Become a kind of middleman – say no, but help out in giving directions – like someone else who could fill in.
• Be firm. Be comfortable saying no repeatedly. Some people believe there is only n number of times one person can say no. Hence they keep pestering till they get a yes out of you.
• If you really wish to say yes but have time constraints, tell the person when can you make it.
• Make sure you understand thoroughly what you are getting into. Ask lot of questions if required.
• Sometimes what seems simple at first glance could be quite complicated.
• Ask for some time before coming back with a yes/no. This shows you took time to think over and it gives you time as well.
• Create your boundaries, share them and stick with them. Like family time, me time, no lending money to friends etc
• Be emphatic and tactful. Say no without hurting other persons feeling if possible.
• Practice – Reflect – Learn from your mistakes. It takes times getting a hang of saying no.
• Say no to those who don’t give you time to think, flatter you or play on your weakness to make you say yes.
• Some questions to ask youself before saying yes
  • Do I have the time?
  • Will I feel pressured to get it done?
  • Will I be upset with myself?
  • Will I be upset with the other person?
  • Will I have to give up something to do this?
• People usually mirror how you feel about yourself. If you say no comfortably, feeling totally positive about yourself; they too will take your no in a similar manner

What are your tips on how to say no? Do share in the comments section.

Books On How To Say No:

Saying No – And Feeling Good About It is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much. – Jim Rohn

There is no doubt how easy life will turn out to be if we can make good decisions quickly and easily. I have found that the answer to “How to become decisive” is actually quite simple. If we follow the simple steps mentioned below, in no time we will get comfortable with entire decision making process and begin to make decisions with ease.

My Story – From Indecisive To Decisive

My journey of becoming a decisive person started with a simple concept I read in Stephen Covey’s book ‘Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’. Stephen said that we always have choices. While we might not consider certain choices because of consequences, the choices are always there. We are free to choose whatever we want to as long as we take responsibility for the consequences of that choice.

Most people find this liberating because it shows them how many choices they have. I found my liberation in the fact that if I am all right with the consequence, I can make any choice I like – I can decide what I want for myself without worrying about whether it is right or wrong.

As a kid, this gave me a new kind of freedom.

• Don’t want to finish up homework and keep notebook up-to-date? I can do so as long as I don’t mind losing some marks and get a complain in my school calendar.
• Which book should I pick up to read? I can choose any I want as long as I am ok with it turning out to be bad.
• Which ice-cream to eat? I can choose any flavour as long as I finish it for this time (It’s obvious if it doesn’t turn out good I will not order again).

As I started making more decisions, I noticed that I was getting to know myself better. By experimenting I now know what do I really like and what I don’t. Having a personal choice/preferance definately makes decision making easier. And along with these, my decision making skills too had started to improve. I looked at the long term picture, started considering all possibilities and focussed on making the right decision everytime. As I look back, I realise now that being decisive doesn’t require any kind of science; atleast for beginners.

In Order To Be Decisive, All You Need Is …

• Desire
  A desire to make decisions and a decision to follow on with your desire. If you are not interested to find out how to be decisive, if you are not interested in applying the solutions, it is not going to work. You need to be motivated about becoming decisive. You need to be willing to put in the required effort. Nothing is going to happen on its own.
• Practice Area
  Identify areas of your life where you can make beginners decisions – go buy groceries, go to a library, try to pick up a movie to watch … anything where you can exercise your decision making skills and the cost of being wrong might not be too huge.
• Analyze
  A clear picture of pros and cons – what will happen if decision is right, what will happen if decision is wrong. If you have an adventurous spirit, you might feel like forgetting about the con part and tell yourself that whatever happens, you are ready for it. But I suggest don’t do so. You might not be able to forget the consequences always. Hence practice analyzing them.
• Follow the Cycle
  And now follow the cycle : Practice – Reflect – Learn – Practice

Decision making for starters is really as simple as this. You will observe that as you practice these, you will start gaining confidence in your ability to make decisions. And in no time, you will become decisive about lot of things in life.

Some Tips To Make Decision Making Faster And More Efficient …

• Be Pro-Active
  Create opportunities to decide on something and commit. For instance, if you are invited for a party, don’t say you are not sure whether you will come or not. Commit to one thing. Preferably with time. And make sure you stay true to whatever you commit.
• Honour Your Word
  Be a person with integrity – it is the essential ingredient in becoming decisive. Do what you said you would, by the time you said you would. Honour each commitment you make. For when you do so, you start trusting yourself. And it’s only when you trust yourself that you will trust your decisions.
• Start Small And Then Build Up
  If you try practising your skills at too many places all at once, chances are you will get overwhelmed and drop the idea all together. Start small and then keep building upon it.
• Use Power of Language
  Pay attention to what you say. If you find yourself saying something like ‘I guess I will go with this ..’ , catch yourself and say ‘I decide to go with this’.
• Celebrate and Learn
  Everytime you make good decisions, pat yourself. And if you make wrong ones, observe and learn from your mistakes. This will be a lifetime process since no one can make right decisions all the time. We learn and grow with every decision.
• Work On Your Timing
  Improvise your timing with every decision you make. Try to make right decisions faster than before. The more quickly you decide, the more decisive you will become. Moreover, as your pace to decide increases, you will start feeling comfortable with making decisions. And it will not turn out be a chore.
• Hone Your Instincts
  Notice that little voice in your head giving you inputs and providing you with feedback – listen to it. Gut feeling has it’s own logic. And that logic is often right. Go by your instincts and hone them by providing feedback for every decision you make with them. When you have to make real quick decisions, these can save you.

What To Do When Fear Raises It’s Head …

As you begin your journey from being indecisive to decisive, one thing that will constantly obstruct you is fear – Fear of making making mistakes, fear of consequences, fear of letting someone down, fear of losing approval etc And all I can tell you is this -

• Be Courageous
  Don’t let your fears overpower you. It is all right to be nervous but don’t let that stop you. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. It is the only way to learn. Have faith in your judgement and believe that whatever happens, you will take full responsibility for it. As you get comfortable embracing failures, you will start seeing decision making in a new light.
• Visualize
  See yourself as a decisive person who believes in himself/herself. See yourself make the right decisions. The more you believe in yourself, the lesser your fear will become.
• Learn From Failures
  No one can be right all the time. Given the way we have to make decisions – with limited time and limited info, sometimes, we are bound to make mistakes. Learn from them. These mistakes are your feedback. As you start seeing mistakes as feedback and not a judgement about you, fears will go down.
• Take Action
  If there is one thing which has consistenly worked in driving fear away, it is taking action. Act on your decisions. The more you sit over them, the more fear will paralyze you. As you take action, fear will disappear.
• Start A Diary
  Write down your experiences with decision making in a diary. Over a period of time, your positives and negatives will jump out of the page. They will be so obvious, that you will not have to put in any effort in finding them. And once you know where you are going wrong, it’s going to be easy to find a solution and grow. What you will also notice is that the consequences of making a mistake are really not as bad as you thought. Allow your fear of making mistakes and fear of consequences to go down.

The more decisions you make, the more fear you face, the more confident you will become. And as you gain confidence, it is natural for you to branch out and test these skills in other areas of your life – Your life, career, health, relationships etc – the important and long term stuff. For these areas, you might want to learn different ways of making decisions.

Some Popular Decision Making Techniques

• Basic Paper and Pen Technique
  Pick up a piece of paper and start writing. Write about your choices, your assumptions, your concerns, your fears, your analysis .. everything. Do not edit or judge anything you write. As you empty your mind on a piece of paper, you will gain clarity. And in this clarity, decision will come to you.
• Grid Analysis
  Grid Analysis is a very popular technique used for decision making when you have multiple alternatives and factors to consider. First list all your options and factors. List options as row labels and factors as column headings. Now for every option, give a ‘score’ to the factor from 0(poor) to 3(very good). You now have everything neatly presented in a glance to figure out what to choose.

  If you are thinking that this is good but not all factors are equally important, it’s a good thought. To ensure that each factor is considered based on their level of importance, ‘rate’ them in numbers say from 0-10 or any other range you like. Now multiply ‘rate’ with ‘score’.This will give them the correct overall weight in your decision. Finally add up the scores for your options. The option that scores the highest is the best.

  Additional tip – you can also consider setting the factors which should be present, which should not be present, mandatory minimum/maximum values etc. Those which do not match up with these are eliminated upfront.

• Edward De Bono’s Six Thinking Hats Approach
  Six Thinking Hats will make you look at the alternatives from a 360 degree view. It makes you think about the option with multiple perspectives. Do you always think rationally? You might miss out on the emotional view point. Are you an optimist? You might miss out on the pessimistic view point. Each way of thinking helps you to analyze the problem differently. By putting yourself in place of the optimist, pessimist, rational, emotional, dreamer, salesman, consumer etc, you will be able to think through things from their angle. Each thinking hat is a different style of thinking. You can use them in your meetings or on your own. It’s a great technique to make people see view points other than their own.
  Following are The Six Thinking Hats:

  1. White Hat
  Become a data lover, become an analyzer. Look at numbers, see what are they saying. Look at concrete facts and derive judgements out of it. Is there any area you have left untouched? Are there gaps in your knowledge? Try to fill them or take them into account. Discard everything other than logic.

  2. Red Hat
  Become an emotional person. How would a emotional person respond? How would they react? Forget the reasoning part. Emotions aren’t always logical. Feel, react, respond.

  3. Black Hat
  Play the devil’s advocate. Look at each option with a critical eye. What are it’s weaknesses? Why will this not work? What’s wrong with it? Sometimes, options drop out because we find some unacceptable negatives. For the rest, we know the weaknesses and we can keep contingency plans ready.

  4. Yellow Hat
  Think positively. Be an optimist. Look at everything going right. See the benefits, see the value. These work like great reminders and are quite motivational.

  5. Green Hat
  Get creative. Find new ideas, new possibilities. There is no room for judgement or criticism. This works well when you have to brainstorm some solutions.

  6. Blue Hat
  You will always have your blue hat on. It decides which other cap you are supposed to put on. Have data in hand? Put on White hat. Facing some problems? Put on Black Hat for contingency plans. Need some motivation? Put on the Yellow Hat. Blue Hat directs your way of thinking.

• Follow Your Heart
  Follow Your Heart. It will not misdirect you. Complete your paper-pen approach, grid analysis, six thinking hat approach, any other technique you want to use. Tell yourself what the decision is. And see how you feel about it. If your heart goes down and you feel bad about it – then this is not the right decision for you. Even though logically it might make sense. Even though every reasoning points in that direction, if your heart is not in it, it is not right for you. Ask your heart what does it want. And follow it with faith. Your heart will never let you down.

Books On How To Be Decisive:

Further Reading Elsewhere:
• Adam Sicinski’s 6 Thinking Hats – Solving Life’s Complex Problems at Study Matrix Art
• Shilpan Patel’s 3 Deadly Symptoms of Indecision at Success Soul
• Steve Pavlina’s How to Make Smart Decisions in Less Than 60 Seconds at Steve Pavlina

Beginner’s Guide To Being Decisive is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Life is full of choices. And while choices are good, too many of them sometimes render me to a state of freeze. I simply can’t decide which option to choose. I get lost in the unlimited number of options available. Do you face this too? Do you wonder how to be decisive often? Do you wish to get more comfortable in making decisions in your life? Well … here’s some good news for you. I finally cracked the code in the art of making decisions.

But before I share with you what I have discovered, I would like to highlight something else – The Art of NOT Making Decisions. Umpteen number of people have mastered this art along with me. They fear making decisions for varied reasons. But, ofcourse we can’t tell the world (or even ourselves) that we are scared to make a decision. Hence, we master techniques with which we become undecisive and we are very convincing in this act.

These techniques usually use conversations to create reasonable doubt in our minds or in minds of others. And hence, most of what you will read below is chatter – mental chatter. And while yes, a lot of people say that useless mental chatter is supposed to be ignored, we pay attention to it – we pay serious attention to it. Check out for yourself whether you too fall into this genius group of people.

The Art of NOT Making Decisions through Mental Chatter

1. How do I know the right decision

I want to make the right decision but “How do I know what is the right decision”. How do I know what’s right for me and what’s wrong. How do I know what do you like and what you don’t. How do I choose from the plethora of options available – one thing that fits my needs.

2. Every decision matters

Every decision that needs to be made from selecting a candy to a bag of cereals to what day to meet up friends and where to go on vacation, which way should the project go, which task needs to be picked up … every decision is important – life changing and hence needs detailed scrutinity and needs to be weighed properly.

3. Collecting data

Since decisions are so important, I need to collect data. And since so much data is available in a fragmented format online, I need to perform a detailed search. What if … what if I miss out some important piece of information which was available on the next click

4. Thinking of worst possible outcome

What if I miss out on some important factor to consider and take a wrong decision. What if … I lose my job because of that or lose my reputation. What if my friends don’t like the place I select, my kids don’t like the gift I choose …. what will happen then. I don’t want something like that to happen to me. I need to be sure of the decision I am making.

5. I need more time to analyze

There are simply so many pros and cons, so many factors to consider. I need time to analyze all of them thoroughly. And after analysis, I need MORE time to analyze them MORE thoroughly. I want to find an answer which has all the pros and none of the cons. I want to find an answer which is right for us in all aspects.

6. What if I am wrong.

I hate taking risks. I don’t like losses. What if I take this decision and I find out that I am wrong later. What will happen then. Everyone will blame me for not thinking through properly. Everyone will blame me for not taking the right decision. I don’t want to take this decision. What if I am wrong.

7. Everything is ok with me

I am fine if you choose option A and I am fine if you choose option B. I like both options equally. It doesn’t really matter which one you choose. Feel free to choose as per what you like. Which option do you like more? We will go with that option.

You would have noticed that these actually sound like ramblings of a mind. And that’s what they actually are. I have intentionally not corrected or fine tuned any of the above. Since in this format it will be easier for you to connect and find out whether you use any of the above to avoid making decisions. And if the strategy you use to avoid decision making is not listed above, do share through comments your way of not making decisions.

The most effective strategy of staying in the state of indecision is to develop a lack of clarity. And the best way to do so is to go in circles. Hence, often, all the points mentioned above are used one after another again and again. For instance desire to make the right decision leads to gathering data which leads to analysis which leads to taking decisions about the factors involved which leads to fear of making mistakes in analysis which leads to thinking of worst possible outcomes which leads to thinking we don’t know the which one is the right decision which leads to gathering more data … I guess you get the picture.

And yes, about “How to become decisive“, I still have not decided what format to present all the info in. So come back next week. Hopefully I would have decided by then hehe

Books On How To Be Decisive:

The Art of NOT Making Decisions through Mental Chatter is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

If you want to be happy, be. – Leo Tolstoy

Each person has his/her own unique style of dealing with pain and sadness. And this style is important. It determines whether you are moving towards pain or away from pain; whether your life is going to be painful or painfree. While it is obvious that everyone wants a painfree – happy life; consciously and consistently choosing happiness over sadness requires practice and often is quite difficult.

People who know me, think of me as a very happy and upbeat person who rarely gets sad. And as someone who has an amazing bounce rate anytime she does have a downtime. Following is my method of dealing with pain which has made me a pro-happiness person. I call this technique “Bargain with Pain”:

Pick up a time when you are sad and judge for how long are you going to be sad given what has happened. Ask yourself – Considering what has happened, for how long will I remain sad. 1 year? 2 years? 10 years? And then, start the bargaining process. If my answer is 1 year, then I ask myself – can I not get out of this sadness within 6 months? If getting out of sadness within 6 months is possible, then isn’t the same thing possible in 3 months? The key question is that how much of my sad time is what happened worth.

Everyone goes through heart breaking – heart wrenching moments when we think that this is it … now I will be sad for my entire life. However, no matter what had happened, we get out of this sadness. What is worth paying attention to and thinking about is that what changed between then and now. It’s definitely not what happened or how things were; for these are constant factors. So, what has caused this change?

The only thing that changed is that as time passed by, we told ourself that it is not worth being sad over anymore. We made a decision to accept what happened / is happening and move ahead and choose happiness inspite of it. And if we can make this decision to accept what happened then and make peace with it some time later, why can’t we do that today; fasten the process basically?

Accepting today whatever has happened, however we are, frees us to move on and be happy.

With practice this entire process has now become as simple as –

• Something happens which can give me pain/make me sad
• I ask myself whether I want to be sad over this
• I decide it’s not worth it.
• I choose to be happy anyways.

That’s it. All of this happens in an instant. I don’t need to do anything beyond this.

Bargain With Pain is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

What does it mean to be a woman today?
How can women express themselves wholly and completely? Here are 5 ways to live more consciously as a woman:
1. Be Love

* Love self

A woman knows how to be love. She knows that to love others, she has to first love herself unconditionally. This love radiates through her. It makes her beautiful and special. And she knows this – That love makes her so beautiful and not shape, size or color.

* Love all

A woman loves unconditionally. She accepts everyone the way they are and the way they are not. She holds family together and makes way for friends to become a part of family. She builds relationships and mends broken ones.

2. Be Wise

A woman is wise. She is able to see behind the masks we wear. She cuts through our anger, silence, ignorance and happy act. She sees through us, right into our hearts where we hide worries, frustrations, hurt and anger. A woman can play multiple roles. She can be a friend, a guide, a partner, a mother. She can sense which role to play and effortlessly switches to that role.

3. Be Strong

A woman might have leaky eyes but she is strong as rock. In times of need, she is the voice of reason. She maintains her composure, keeps her emotions in check. She takes hold of situation and starts getting things done.

4. Be Success

A woman recognizes and respects unlimited choices she has. She knows she can be whoever she wishes to be personally and professionally. She manages her work as effectively as she manages her home. She dreams high, takes charge of her life, directs her energy toward her dreams and attains them.

5. Be Responsible

A woman knows with choice comes responsibility. She takes responsibility for all her actions and choices. She also takes responsibility for her family, friends and work. She knows how to be independent – take care of herself, manage finances and life. She knows how to be interdependent – involving family and friends.

A woman is a balance of all. She is independent and interdependent. She is soft yet so strong. She is emotional and yet practical. She is selfless and yet so much in love with self.

Dedicated to Mom for being the woman she is. This article is a reflection of her.
Inspired by Steve Pavlina’s How to Be a Man.
Photo Courtesy of TheAlieness GiselaGiardino

How to Be a Woman is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.