Avani-Mehta.com » Loving Relationships

Release People Of Expectations, Let Them Be

Avani Mehta — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 07:37:00 +0000

It is said that people we love most have the capacity to hurt us most. I used to wonder why is this the case. And why is it that sometimes we can forgive strangers easily but not people we love? Why is it that a hurtful event which we can forget and let go off when with a stranger can ruin a perfectly good relationship/moment and fill it with bitterness when with someone we love?

Why are things this way? Two different set of behavior/expectation for strangers and people we love, I could still understand. But giving advantage to strangers over people we love, I couldn’t understand. I thought things should be the other way round. We should be even more forgiving and understanding with those who are close to us.

As I kept mulling over these thoughts and observed relationships in general, a pattern started to emerge & I found my answer -

When we love someone and respect that person a lot, we start thinking highly of them. We create this image of them in our minds which is just perfect.

‘My son will never do this’, ‘My daughter always does that’, ‘Our relationship is perfect – we completely understand each other’, ‘My parents love me unconditionally’, ‘My guru has perfected the art of detachment’ – these are just a few examples of that.

When these people whom we think of so highly and for whom we have created this perfect image, do something to knock down the image, everything shakes up.

When people break out of our mold for them and do something which doesn’t conform to our image of who they are, we get angry and hurt. Not because of their actions – which could be trivial but because they broke their promise of who they are – and this we cannot accept.

To release expectations and undo images we create in our mind is a life long activity – till we master not setting any expectations at all. Here are a few reminders which help me to let go of expectations and be in a place of compassion when people do things which they aren’t supposed to do (according to us) -

People need love the most when they least deserve it.
The ones we love are bound to make mistakes, just like we are.
Let people be human.
No one in this world is here to meet our expectations.
No one ‘needs’ to be in any other way than he/she is. Need is your expectation projected on the person. It’s your problem, not his/hers.
Love means forgiving people when they make mistakes.
People are going to change. It’s part of their journey of life.
Don’t judge.

I am sure you too must come across scenarios where people don’t stick to their image and break expectations. What do you do in times like these?

Release People Of Expectations, Let Them Be is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Long Distance Relationship Tips

Avani Mehta — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 05:48:41 +0000

photo courtesy Ordinary Guy

The long distance relationship strikes back! Fortunately this time, the ‘long distance’ part is only for three weeks. Then I too move back to US to join my hubby. But whether it is for three days or three weeks or three months, it always seems like an eternity.

Three weeks is not a very long time to worry about how we will stay connected (that’s one bridge we have already crossed over and over by now). What to do with all the idle time in my hands is a big question. Since I am still on a vacation over here, relaxing and connecting are the only things on my list. Here are some tips on how to pass time in a long distance relationship when the time period is as small as three weeks -

Long Distance Relationship Tips – On How To Spend Time

Is your beauty sleep long overdue? This is the ideal time to catch up with it. Sleep as long as you like – fill up those hours which you usually spend with your partner and are now trying to pass.

Relax and rejuvenate. Treat yourself (with whatever is your definition of a treat) – curl up with a book, put on your favorite music, go for long quite walks, cook your favorite dishes, do nothing and simply spend time being idle … whatever catches your fancy, treat yourself with it.

Start with a new beauty/fitness regime. Desire to look stunning and surprise your partner with how you look can be a great motivator – it will help you to stick to whatever beauty/fitness routine you pick up. Just imagine how your partner would react, grin and the rest will fall into place automatically.

Spend a night out with your old friends reminiscing days before marriage. Spend time with them as you used to when still single. Catch up on each others stories, remember good old times, take a trip down the memory lane … nothing can beat being single again.

If networking is anywhere on your priority list, this period is perfect time to start working on it. A lot of factors work in your favor during a long distance relationship – two key factors being – having idle time in your hands and a desire and willingness to talk to others. If you usually find networking a chore, this is the time when it will truly seems like a pleasant activity you look forward to doing.

Take out your address book and start connecting with people. While no one can fill in for the absence of your partner, connecting with others will really boost your social life and networking skills. Start working on building a strong network of trusted friends, family and colleagues right away.

If the duration of your long distance relationship is huge, here are some options –

Pick up/Learn a new hobby

Get back to school – start studying, get another degree

Chalk out an aggressive career plan and work on it

Start a challenging project to make a difference in the world

Plan out for your times together

Are there any tips which you can give on how to spend time in a long distance relationship?

Long Distance Relationship Tips is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

How To Create Lasting Relationships

Avani Mehta — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 03:49:53 +0000

photo courtesy of dsearls

My great grandfather’s brother’s great grandson is considered to be in close relation to me; he & I are considered to be part of close family.

As I stroll through my mom’s home town (where she grew up), everyone knows me as so and so’s daughter/grand daughter/niece/… And because I am so and so’s daughter/grand daughter/niece/…, I am the same for entire town (based on whom they know and relate to). We might be meeting for the first time, but a simple introduction is enough to create a bonding – one in which you would be happy for all the happiness the other gets and would step ahead to be of help in times of sorrow.

I am fascinated by kind of relationship my elders have created. Fascinated and puzzled … over how is this possible. How can someone create this kind of lasting relationship which survives through generations – not just your lifetime but lifetimes of generations after you.

How To Create Lasting Relationships

Here are 10 tips I got on creating lifetime relationships -

1. There is only one way to have such a long lasting relationship – keep the relationship.

2. Show up in times of happiness and sadness.

3. Stay in touch. And help the other person stay in touch.

4. It doesn’t matter how much time has gone by in between, once related, you are related forever. Don’t ever question whether the relationship or friendship exists. It’s there – it’s for you to keep or not keep.

5. Take interest in their life. Ask questions and remember answers. Keep a note if you are forgetful kind. If you know the last update you recieved, you will be comfortable with them and conversation will flow easily.

6. People are interested in you as well. So share your life updates and life stories.

7. When you look at lifetime of relationship, you are bound to fight and hurt each other. Forgive, forget and love back.

8. Be thoughtful. A small thoughtful act goes a long way.

9. Be of use to someone, be helpful.

10. Every call counts. Don’t hesitate, call your people – even if you talk for just a minute.

Bonus. If you forget all ten points mentioned above, don’t forget this one – love and keep loving. Love transcends all boundaries – yours, theirs and others. Love your people and allow them to love you back. You can never go wrong with love because love makes every wrong right.

How do you create lasting relationships? What are your tips on creating lifetime relationships?

Books On Creating Lasting Relationships:

How To Create Lasting Relationships is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Fall In Love … Again And Again And Again

Avani Mehta — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 06:00:33 +0000

photo courtesy of puja

One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. – Judith Viorst

There is always room for improvement, you know – it’s the biggest room in the house – Louise Liber.
Top 8 Life Hacks aims to improve different life areas such as – health, finance, relationships and self.

Life Hack #6 : Fall In Love … Again And Again And Again … (Relationships)

Falling in love just once is not enough.

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, with the same person – said Mignon McLaughlin.

As routine sets in and you get lost doing mundane activities day in – day out, it might seem that the spark that brought you together is slowly dimming out. However, most of times, it is not that you have fallen out of love or that the love that brought you together is no more.

Love expresses itself in a variety of forms. And it keeps changing it’s form of expression over and over through out our lives.

We often get so much used to one form of love, one expression of love that we turn blind eye towards all other forms and expressions even if they are right in front of our eyes. We are so set about the way love should be expressed, that we don’t even try to validate other expressions of love.

Because love is not expressed the way we think it should be expressed, doesn’t mean love is not there. Love IS, there is no question about that.

There are a lot of ways your partner shows his/her love, even if love is not literally expressed. Tune in to your partner’s expression of love and appreciate every small act of love. The more you appreciate, the more love you will find – because appreciation will help you tune in to the right frequency.

Your partner nags you everyday for your own good, that is love.

Your partner drowns in office work for hours and hours to bring home money for a better life for family, that is love.

You forget to call up you are going to be late and end up facing lot of fire because your partner got worried, that is love.

You come home and your partner keeps food ready for you, that is love.

You remain silent all the time, and your partner accepts that as ‘you’, that is love.

You chatter non stop about everything and anything, and your partner accepts that as ‘you’, that is love.

Love can be seen in all the small thoughtful acts your partner does, love can be heard in the constant advice that your partner gives, love can be felt in the strength of unconditional support and acceptance ….

Love is already there, where are you looking for it ?

Read Other Hacks:

Life Hacks:
#1
#2
#3
#4
#5

Fall In Love … Again And Again And Again is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Speak The Same Language – Create A Common Vocabulary

Avani Mehta — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 06:00:33 +0000

photo courtesy of luiginter

Assumptions Are The Termites Of Relationships. – Henry Winkler

Life Hack #2 : Create A Common Vocabulary (Relationships)

How can it be that two people who speak the same language, interpret it differently?

When sentences like ‘You don’t understand me‘, ‘This is not what I meant‘ start getting regularly used, relationships begin to get difficult, increasingly frustrating actually. It is difficult to digest that what seems like a crystal clear, obvious message to you, could mean something else to your partner.

One way to ensure that your partner gets exactly what you are saying is by creating a common vocabulary. Have a key set of words, phrases and sentences which mean the same thing to both of you (please don’t assume they mean same, talk it out). You can create a common vocabulary by :

Reading Books

Any kind of book you pick up will introduce and elaborate certain ideas. Because there is an explanation of each idea used in the book, when both of you read and understand these ideas, you start developing a common set of vocabulary – i.e. you have words and ideas which mean same to both of you.

It is best if both of you read the book and then discuss it with each other – it enhances your understanding of the concepts and is fun as well. But if, one of you is not keen on reading much, the other can always read and share ideas from the book – they still would mean the same to both of you.

Two books whose ideas we (me and my partner) use frequently are – Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus – John Gray and Awaken the Giant Within – Anthony Robbins
Taking A Relationship/Personal Development Course

The logic to take a course is same as reading books – they will introduce words and ideas which will mean the same to both of you. Taking a course in relationship or personal development area will help you to work on yourself / your relationship as well.

My partner and I are both quite interested in personal growth. Together we have done three courses from Landmark Education and a 10 Day Vipassana Meditation Course. Each of these courses have impacted our lives tremendously and given us a whole new realm of ideas and key words which have now become a part of our common vocabulary.
Decoding Hints

Of course, you can do the same thing by yourself as well. The best place to look for areas where you could create some common vocabulary is where you give hints – that is, where you say something and expect your partner to follow your line of thinking and understand what is it exactly that you want.

For instance, what does it mean when you say you are tired? Literally, it just means that you are tired, you are sharing how you are feeling with your partner. But by some reasoning of yours, this could also mean – I expect you to help me with household chores today since I am tired, I need some quite time and am not in mood to talk since I am tired. “I am tired” can mean a lot of things to lot of people.

An even better example – what do you expect your partner to do when you say “I am feeling sad”? For some, this means give me some space, I need to be alone to sort through my feelings. For some this could mean, please sit with me and talk to me, I need a hug.

While all examples that I have used are of couples, the same logic could be applied to all kinds of relationship – parents, siblings, friends etc. It will always work.

What do you use to remove the guessing out of your communication? How do you ensure that your partner gets what you are saying?

Read Other Hacks:

Motivation:
#1
#2
Productivity:
#1
#2
Life Hacks:
#1

Speak The Same Language – Create A Common Vocabulary is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

How To Manage A Long Distance Relationship

Avani Mehta — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:50:52 +0000

I have a Guest Post at one of my favourite blogs – Life Optimizer. Please visit and comment.

How To Manage A Long Distance Relationship.

Click on the image to go to my guest post – How To Manage A Long Distance Relationship.

How To Manage A Long Distance Relationship is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Salt of A Happy Marriage – When Too Much Of A Good Thing Makes A Marriage Go Bad

Avani Mehta — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 01:41:41 +0000

Photo Courtesy of Hamed Masoumi

To Keep A Fire Burning Brightly, There’s One Easy Rule:
Keep The Logs Together, Near Enough To Keep Warm And Far Enough Apart For Breathing Room.
Good Fire, Good Marriage, Same Rule. – Marnie Reed Crowel

I learnt a simple principle while learning to cook – salt adds flavour and taste to food. And so happy I was to find the magic of making good food, I promptly added the right amount of salt to my meal. And then; Alas some more!

What was to be a sumptous meal became inedible; because I over-used the right ingredient. In my desire to make a delicious meal, I excessively used the right ingredient.

This is so much in parallel with the way marriage works I thought. The simple principles of marriage I learnt are so much like salt – essential to have a happy marriage but disastrous in excess.

I share with you two salts of happy marriage; Use them to have a successful and happy marriage, a loving and wonderful marriage but … use them the right way.

The Two Salts Of A Happy Marriage

- When Too Much Of A Good Thing Makes A Marriage Go Bad

1. In Love, In Marriage, Two People Become One

Marriage Is When A Man And Woman Become As One; The Trouble Starts When They Try To Decide Which One.

In proportion:
Two people become one in love and marriage – they love self and their partner equally. There is no distinction in the way they love and care for themselves and the way they love and care for their partner. There is no distinction in heart and mind when we think of self and our partner. And this is how it should be.

We are one with our spouse – we live our lives together, we share our joys and sorrows. We share our dreams and goals, we work together to achieve them. We rejoice together with every dream come true, we grieve together for all losses. We live so much of each others life that they truly become one.

In excess:
Two people become one in love and marriage – and then they think they have actually become one. They try to spend all time together, not leaving time for family and friends. They try to do all activities together, and not focus on those which only one of them likes. Soon they find they lose some friends and drop away some hobbies – unknowingly one day at a time. They forget to focus on themselves as well.

And now suddenly it seems as if, both people aren’t who they were when they fell in love and got married. And both of them miss that part of each other and themselves.

Food For Mind:

What does “Two people become one” mean to you?
How has your life changed after marriage?
How have you changed after marriage?
Do you still have your old friends with you?
Do you pursue your hobbies and interests which do not overlap with your partner’s?
Do you strive to spend all the time together with your partner?
What are you postponing or avoiding because they do not include your partner?
Do you share your life, your dreams and desires with your partner?
Do you allow your partner to be a part of your life?

Take home:
A relationship is formed between two people; so is marriage. In marriage, there is a “you”, a “me” and a “us”. Neither relationship, nor marriage can survive without the “you”, the “me” and the “us”. All are required and essential for the marriage to work well.

2. In Love, In Marriage, You Get To Be Yourself

All Married Couples Should Learn The Art Of Battle As They Should Learn The Art Of Making Love. Good Battle Is Objective And Honest – Never Vicious Or Cruel. Good Battle Is Healthy And Constructive, And Brings To A Marriage The Principle Of Equal Partnership. – Ann Landers Says Truth Is Stranger…, 1968

In proportion:
In love, in marriage, you get to be yourself – there is no need to hide behind a mask as we sometimes do in the world, no need to put on a happy face when heart is crying out, no need to fake strength when we are feeling weak within, no need to hide our faults in fear of rejection or being ridiculed. For when you love, you love the other for who they are and who they are not. There is no judgement of you, only whole hearted unconditional acceptance.

And in this acceptance and love, you are free to be who you truly are. You are free to vocalize your inner thoughts, your desires and fears, you are free to believe you will be loved doesn’t matter if you are going through tough times, some fights, some moodiness. You will be loved even if you are not perfect in your own eyes.

In excess:
In love, in marriage, you get to be yourself – to some this means they are free to be rude when they are in a hurry, free to be angry when inconvenienced, free to lash out and hurt the other because they are hurting, free to speak own thoughts aloud without thinking how it would affect the loved one.

And then, they think where has the magic gone away. Why are there so many fights, so many hurts and misunderstandings. Why did two people who loved each other so much, suddenly feel differently about each other.

Food For Mind:

Do you feel free to be you in the relationship?
Are you scared of being judged and rejected/not loved?
How do you treat your partner in tough times?
Are you courteous enough? Do you show respect to your partner?
Are you considerate and understanding?
How do you deal with anger and frustrations?
How does your negative mood impact the way you treat your partner?
Is ‘Thank You’, ‘Sorry’ and ‘Please’ a part of your regular vocab?

Take home:
You are free to be you in a marriage but not free to treat the other whatever way you like. To respect, to love, to understand, be considerate are laws of any relationship. You cannot break them and assume nothing will change.

Salt of A Happy Marriage – When Too Much Of A Good Thing Makes A Marriage Go Bad is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Cheat Codes To Have A Happy Marriage

Avani Mehta — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 23:50:43 +0000

Photo Courtest of saffandiphoto.com

A Successful Marriage Requires Falling In Love Many Times, Always With The Same Person. – Mignon McLaughlin

I often remember times when I played video games and had cheat codes which made winning the game faster and easier. I have wished innumerable times to have cheat codes for winning a marriage, to have cheat codes for a happy marriage.

Of course I know that there are no short cuts to a happy marriage. The basics steps of “How to have a happy marriage” have to be applied. But, even then, wouldn’t it be great if there were some tips which made having a happy married life easier; Tips which are easy to implement and yet give tremendous results.

I didn’t have cheat codes for a happy marriage when I got married. But I sure found them later on while living the marriage. These obviously do not eliminate the basics – to love, to communicate, to laugh, to forgive etc. But they do increase chances of a happy married life drastically. And most importantly, they work.

Cheat Codes To Have A Happy Marriage

1. Work On The Score Card

In Every Marriage More Than A Week Old, There Are Grounds For Divorce. The Trick Is To Find, And Continue To Find, Grounds For Marriage. – Robert Anderson

Imagine that you maintain a scorecard which marks your score against your spouse’s. The way to increase this score is to do something good for the other, to do something thoughtful, something out of the way. The way to increase this score is to be a great partner. Imagine this scorecard very well. Because we all unknowingly do keep this kind of score card which shows “How much did I do for my partner and how much did my partner do for me”.

Throw away the score card
Now the most intelligent thing of course would be to throw away the scorecard. Because in love, marriage and relationships we don’t keep scores. But, throwing the score card away is not easy because most of time we don’t even know it exists. And by the time we realise it exists, it is too late – this is when huge battles arise about how you do everything and your partner doesn’t do anything.

Hack the scoring mechanism
So what to do in this scenario? What can you do if not throw away the card? The answer is simple, hack the scoring mechanism. Find out opportunities to increase your partner’s score. Yes, not yours, your partner’s. Find excuses and reasons, even smallest of them to go ahead and increase score of your partner. As you do this, as you see your partner scoring way more than you, you will want to reciprocate.

How to give scores?
It’s actually very simple, by appreciation. Appreciate everything that your partner does. Share this appreciation with yourself, your partner and everyone you know. Share how thoughtful your spouse is. Share everything that is good in your partner. Each and every small action, word of kindness deserves appreciation.

Isn’t all this artificial, made up? Isn’t this like lying to yourself?
The things you appreciate are not lies. But over a period of time they are taken for granted. Appreciation brings them back to focus. Sometimes, we have everything in the world, but yet nothing – because we don’t value it. This simple act of appreciating even the tiniest thing that you have will fill your life with small wonders. And who wouldn’t be happy with a wonder-full life.

Update: Just a clarification -
To everyone who have given feedback through comments that keeping scores is not healthy in a marriage, I fully agree. As I read again the way I wrote, I realise it is easy to misunderstand. But I am by no way in favour of keeping scores of who did what.

My idea is simple – find opportunities to be thankful and be in gratitude of your spouse. Everyday, find new things which make you feel lucky to have your spouse as your spouse. Mutual appreciation is a key to happy marriage. Create a habit of appreciating even the tiniest thing that your spouse does for you and who your spouse is.

2. Ask, And You Shall Recieve

Marriage Is The Alliance Of Two People, One Of Whom Never Remembers Birthdays And The Other Who Never Forgets. – Ogden Nash

Who knows you the best? Who knows your innermost desires? Who knows what do you want out of marriage, out of life, out of relationships? Who knows what will make you happy, what are your romantic fantasies, what are your dreams? The answer is obviously “You”. No one knows you better than you.

Then why not share your expertise on this subject (you) with your partner. Remove the guess work out of marriage. And use the knowledge that you gain about you and your partner to find creative ways to a happy married life.

How to make your partner remember important occassions
What do you want? Do you want your partner to remember your birthday/anniversary (and your partner is forgetful)? Use this technique – one week before the occassion share with your partner how excited you are about the upcoming occassion. Share with your partner what would you like to have as a gift. You partner will happily go with your plans. By applying this simple technique, you are helping your relationship – you remove the disappointment you might have got if your partner forgot the occassion, you remove the probable fight out of picture and most importantly, you have set yourself for a great day, a great celebration for the occassion.

How to get some silent space at home after a long day at work
What do you want? Do you want some quite time with yourself when you come back home? Do you wish to spend some time with yourself before spending time with your partner? Something as simple as sharing this desire with your partner would be enough to get what you want. Tell your partner you want some quite time for ___ mins. And then you will be all set to be attentive, talkative … whatever is required. Don’t assume your partner will understand you are not in mood to talk/listen. Don’t assume your partner will understand you need some space. Don’t assume, share and ask for it.

Help your partner to give what you want
The idea is pretty simple, whatever you want from your partner, help your partner to give it. Make marriage a smooth ride by stating the obvious if that is what it takes. Don’t leave anything to guess work. Ask for what you want and you will get it.

3. Experience What Your Partner Experiences In True Sense

The More Connections You And Your Lover Make, Not Just Between Your Bodies, But Between Your Minds, Your Hearts, And Your Souls, The More You Will Strengthen The Fabric Of Your Relationship. – Barbara De Angelis

What is more work? To be a money maker or a home maker? How much effort is needed to manage bills? How many hours of work is it to plan for an outing? How tough is it to keep house neat? How difficult is it to manage groceries and other household requirements? How draining is travelling for work and coming back? How crazy is it to manage kids and nappies?

Switch Responsibilities
Only the one who has worked on these would truly know about it. As aptly said – only the wearer knows where the shoe pinches. Then, how to really get others point of view. How to really understand and empathise and appreciate what our partner is doing. The answer to this one is also very simple, switch responsibilities for a while wherever possible.

If your partner plans for an outing everytime, this time you do the same. And let your partner enjoy the trip. If your partner manages home and kids, for whatever time possible, you do the same and let your partner enjoy. Not only will this be refreshing for your partner, it will also give you insight about what your partner has to do. And the next time, you want to complain about something, you will remember your experience and surely change your mind. Experience what your partner experiences. This will bring you close and help you to understand and appreciate each other faster than any thing else.

Update : This article got on front page of stumble upon. A big thanks to everyone for their thumbs up and review.

Thanks again for making the next article – Salt Of A Happy Marriage – When Too Much Of A Good Thing Makes A Marriage Go Bad popular as well.

Books :

Cheat Codes To Have A Happy Marriage is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Lifetime of Relationships

Avani Mehta — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:28:04 +0000

Photo Courtest jonboy mitchell

In the stage play of life we play different roles as time progresses. Although each relationship that we form is unique by itself, the older relations too keep on changing and being unique all the time.

Change is the essence of life people say. So very true. And life here does not pertain to life of just humans; It pertains to existence – existence of each and everything in this universe; including relationships. For, like other things, relationships too grow stale if not changed with time. And thus, as people change, relationships change.

Even though we say relationships are not made because of certain reasons, wants. We bind relationships by giving them names. With just a name tag, what we add is loads of expectations and loads of responsibilities. Even though people are the same, suddenly the expectations change, dynamics of the relationship change. These expectations when not fulfilled create a sense of dissatisfaction – they create a distance between those in a relationship. Perhaps, that is why to bridge these gaps we tend to generalise on shoulds and should nots of every relationship.

However, that is perhaps by itself the greatest mistake we tend to make. For if we do not desire the same things, if we do not require the same things then how can relationships require the same things? How can relationships bound by musts and must nots survive. Clashes are bound to happen; For what was right yesterday is wrong today and what is right today is going to be wrong tomorrow.

One of the most classic examples which each person would understand is that of a parent and child. A child is always fed by his/her parents in early stages of life. But then with age he/she starts having food himself/herself. The parent then has no need to feed the child because the child is no more a kid. He/she has grown up and can manage having food himself/herself. And parents do understand that they no more feed their child. However, as easy it is to recognize physical requirements and physical incapabilities that much difficult is to know mental and emotional requirements; for these are not visible.

Things will move smoothly till we do recognise the needs of others and fulfil them accordingly. However, when these do not match clashes become inevitable; leading to unrest. The key point here is to not to be driven by habit or roles; to not to stick to what you are comfortable in giving but concentrating on what the other needs to receive.

When our perspective changes over here, the transitioning part, the changing of our behaviour becomes easy. For then we are changing ourselves with time. We are making ourselves flexible giving people space to change and grow and be with them accordingly.

There is no correct formula for a successful relationship. Because being successful over here is not a one time thing. We will always be learners, will always be in process of making relationships better and better. For even if we arrive at a stage where we find relationship between two people perfect, impossible to find a flaw in; the very next moment we will find one of them or perhaps both of them changing and if people are not the same, then where does perfection in their relationship come from?

Lifetime of Relationships is a post from: Avani-Mehta.com Download & Share: The Fabulous Motivators E-Book.

Limited by Definations

Avani Mehta — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 20:12:06 +0000

An interesting thought I heard in a Relationship Seminar I had gone to – that how we limit Love, Relationships, Friendship around us with definitions. Some things in life don’t have definitions. And we by giving them ours, are limiting our experiences, our lives to our limited thoughts, notions and ideas about them. How often we think that only x or y could mean that it’s love or friendship. Why don’t we let relationships be, grow at their own pace in any unique form that they wish to. Why do we need to create a mental picture in our mind about how relationships should be. Why do we need everything around us to fit into the mould we set for it. And anything which doesn’t confirm to these standards set by us are wrong, not ok.

Because people don’t love us the way we expect them to love us, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love us. People say it’s unfortunate to not to love/be loved. Even more unfortunate ones are those who are loved but they don’t accept it; They don’t see it, recognise it because it didn’t come the way they expected it to come. Love – comes in so many different forms in our lives. By expression, by constant advice, by being there, by unconditional support and sometimes by silence. Let’s not miss out on love thats already there in our lives.

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