Comments on: Decoding Anger

By: Personal Edge Insights - Barbara Ling, Virtual Coach » Blog Archive Acting The Angry Man (Tips for defusing, anger management, more)

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 12:19:27 +0000

[...] Decoding Anger – Anger Management Series Part I to 6 (really good!) [...]

By: Deciding When To Wind Up A Business

Deciding When To Wind Up A Business — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 00:25:54 +0000

[...] Mehta. Avani has written an excellent anger management series and you can check out part 1 here: Decoding Anger: Anger Management Series Part 1. Related [...]

By: Barbara Swafford

Barbara Swafford — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 05:27:46 +0000

Hi Avani, I love that exercise of continually asking yourself "why". It's amazing how if we keep asking, we'll eventually get to the root of our anger. Great post! Barbara Swafford's last blog post..Plugins, Questions and Open Mic

By: Mike King

Mike King — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 05:31:45 +0000

Avani, very thought provoking post and you have some excellent suggestions. To me, the problem is not the anger itself. We should not stop that or try to limit it. Anger is a feeling and there is no point in trying to mess too much with our feelings, they are valuable ways that we learn and grow. The problem is how people express their anger and release it. That is where the control is important so the expressions and emotions where one yells, hits, insults, belittles or retaliates to others are all signs of anger. That is where the problem lies, not in the anger itself. I'm definitely interested in reading the rest of your series to see where you take this. I think I would have a lot to say on the subject as well if I took a few more minutes to think about it.... Mike King's last blog post..Determining and Sharing Your Core Values

By: Avani-Mehta

Avani-Mehta — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:48:52 +0000

@Urban Panther: Your journey must have been really tough. It’s crazy, so many times we get out of bad situations but keep living them and their associations for lifetime.

@Marelisa: I have been hearing about Sedona method a lot. Will make it a point to find out what it’s all about. I like the line : “You’re not angry for the reason you think you are.” this is true in so many other situations as well.

@Lance: The list is not exhaustive. The more we think, the more reasons we find. What’s interesting is, we usually use same pattern to get angry. So, if we fix the pattern, we make a huge jump in dealing with anger.

By: Avani-Mehta

Avani-Mehta — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:38:46 +0000

@Cath: Happens to all of us. Due to past associations, we see and interpret things the way they are not.

@Jennifer: Yes, we do get increasingly aware of our thoughts, reasonings and feelings with these questions. I am looking forward to read more of your series as well. Anything to do with increasing thought power gets my attention.

@Ananya: Loved your tip. This one is even better than counting till 10. Just thinking … for people who get easily angry … rushing to bathroom all the time would look so funny

@Vered: I agree. There are so many life skills I wish I had learnt in school – finance, anger management, managing relationships, personal happiness.

By: Avani-Mehta

Avani-Mehta — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 04:45:49 +0000

@Davina: As we start understanding anger, and seek to answer these questions every time we get angry, our anger time starts reducing. I believe it’s because we realise that anger is misdirected or not needed or there is a better way than getting angry.

@Tim: There are times when we need a why and there are times we don’t. As you mention, it has to be flexible. If the root cause is deeply embedded within us, it would make sense to ask why and understand the real cause. Since otherwise, we would be treating symptoms and not the main cause.

However, most of times, we can get by without asking why. And that infact would be great because rather than focussing on past, we are focussing on what can we do today – this kind of thinking is very productive.

I read an excellent book on solution oriented way of thinking – Do One Thing Different by Bill O’Hanlon. Do check it out.

By: Lance

Lance — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 02:57:17 +0000

Very nice article Avani. If we can better understand our anger, we can better manage it. And that’s important. I liked your list of what makes you angry. That’s a real thinking exercise. I will try to use it the next time I find myself in that situation.

By: Marelisa

Marelisa — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:41:52 +0000

Avani: This post reminds me of a quote from "A Course in Miracles" which roughly says: "You're not angry for the reason you think you are." You suggest an interesting approach to deal with anger here. I think anger is a signal that you're perceiving that your boundaries are being violated. When you feel anger I think you should find a method to subside the anger so that you can think about what is causing the anger and how to react with a cool head. I personally use the Sedona Method to release the pressure of negative emotions so that I can think in a more clear-headed manner. I enjoyed this post! Marelisa's last blog post..Lessons to Teach Your Children (Part 1)

By: Urban Panther

Urban Panther — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 21:24:21 +0000

The very first thing I had to learn was that it is OKAY to become angry. I was raised in a household where angry was never witnessed, and we were discouraged from expressing it. Not good! It took me years to understand that anger is actually healthy, because as you point out, it is actually feedback and can be used for growth. In the first 4 months with the Urbane Lion, I actually experienced anger on a regular basis. What I did though, was immediately take myself off to a quiet place and ask myself why I was angry. In ALL cases it was because I was 'hearing' my previous partner. In some cases this instantly dissolved my anger. In other cases, it calmed me down enough to go clarify what the Lion's intent was in what he said or did. Urban Panther's last blog post..The cost of relationships